I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
