His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
