I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
