I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
