look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
