You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
