Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
