i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
