sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
