"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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