Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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