Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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