here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my poor anus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
