I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
