Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
