Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
