Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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