How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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