I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
