If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
