Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
