We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
