My room smells like vodka and shame
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
