I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
