I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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