oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
