i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
