it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
