I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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