He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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