I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
