how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
