My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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