proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
