he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
