Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
