I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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