After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i will never coherently bang her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
