I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
