Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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