I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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