your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
