If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
