Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
