It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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