This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
