Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
