nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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