she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
