Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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