That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
