he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
