The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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