im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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