***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she peed on how many people?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
